You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
