I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
