You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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