my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
