I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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