the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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