haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize