If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
