My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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