I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
