He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were trust falling into bushes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
