we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
