i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
