Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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