She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize