i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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