The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
