i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
