I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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