Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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