my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Shame - the story of my life.
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