I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
