What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
