omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
