We won't sleep together?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is the high leading the old right now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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