yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
