My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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