Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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