3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize