I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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