She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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