party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize