I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize