No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
