yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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