I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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