I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
