State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
