I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
