Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She bit a glass in half.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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