I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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