so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
did i just pee glitter
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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