went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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