I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
