eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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