Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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