Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize