i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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