Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
