so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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