I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
