is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
