Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
