Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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