But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
