It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
