Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize