It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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