I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
