My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
