Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
