No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
