okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
