so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need a beard to bite.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
