No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
