a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
