Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
