I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
