there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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