that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
