I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
