I have demons in me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
