I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
