He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
