i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
