we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
