i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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