dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize