I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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