im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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